Anthracite
*
The guy I was working for at the time had me down as a well meaning idiot.
My job description said I was his personal assistant - this mostly entailed raking leaves from the driveway, driving his kids to and from school, and doing odd jobs around the place. I would walk the dogs for him and mow the grass too.
One day he caught me mowing the main lawn with the wrong tractor mower and was furious.
I explained that the yellow one left all the clippings laying on the ground from where I had to spend ages carefully raking them into piles and barrowing them away, whereas the red one swept them all up mechanically as it went, saving him lots of time and money – but it was no use. He had bought the yellow one to mow the main lawns with, and the red one to mow the rough meadow lands at the bottom of the property – and that was that - so I spent the rest of the time I worked for him doing it his way.
Another day he had me build a new coal shed next to, and to replace the old one, which was falling to pieces. He always made me move the existing stock of coal to the front of the shed when the coalman was due, so as to put the newly delivered coal at the back and rotate the stock. This struck me as a bit odd.
When the coalman arrived on this particular occasion it was just as I was finishing putting the new roofing felt onto the new shed. The coalman complimented me on a nice job and asked where I wanted the new bags, so I told him to stack them nearby and I would empty them later when I was done, and have the sacks ready for his next visit. When he gave me the bill I went to fetch the boss.
The bill smelled sweetly of the coal it represented, and positively crackled with trapped energy just dying to be released.
When he came back with me, the boss, too, complimented my work on the new shed and then reminded me to be sure and put the old stock to the front so that it would be used before the new.
I couldn't help myself, I simply blurted out that as the coal must be seventy million or so years old already I didn't think a few more days or weeks could make much difference, and that we would all save on time, energy and effort by dumping it all in together, regardless of when it had arrived at his house.
There was a significant silence as the two men looked at me without speaking.
They turned and exchanged a knowing glance, and then looked at me once more – together.
One of them said: Tut. And the other said: Kyuh - and I knew I would be looking for a new job before much longer.
The boss went down the driveway to see the coalman off, and I went back to rotating coal that was, to all intents and purposes, older than time itself.
With my eyes stinging I sat down to roll a cigarette, and I found myself wondering – again – what everybody else knew that I didn't.
*
The guy I was working for at the time had me down as a well meaning idiot.
My job description said I was his personal assistant - this mostly entailed raking leaves from the driveway, driving his kids to and from school, and doing odd jobs around the place. I would walk the dogs for him and mow the grass too.
One day he caught me mowing the main lawn with the wrong tractor mower and was furious.
I explained that the yellow one left all the clippings laying on the ground from where I had to spend ages carefully raking them into piles and barrowing them away, whereas the red one swept them all up mechanically as it went, saving him lots of time and money – but it was no use. He had bought the yellow one to mow the main lawns with, and the red one to mow the rough meadow lands at the bottom of the property – and that was that - so I spent the rest of the time I worked for him doing it his way.
Another day he had me build a new coal shed next to, and to replace the old one, which was falling to pieces. He always made me move the existing stock of coal to the front of the shed when the coalman was due, so as to put the newly delivered coal at the back and rotate the stock. This struck me as a bit odd.
When the coalman arrived on this particular occasion it was just as I was finishing putting the new roofing felt onto the new shed. The coalman complimented me on a nice job and asked where I wanted the new bags, so I told him to stack them nearby and I would empty them later when I was done, and have the sacks ready for his next visit. When he gave me the bill I went to fetch the boss.
The bill smelled sweetly of the coal it represented, and positively crackled with trapped energy just dying to be released.
When he came back with me, the boss, too, complimented my work on the new shed and then reminded me to be sure and put the old stock to the front so that it would be used before the new.
I couldn't help myself, I simply blurted out that as the coal must be seventy million or so years old already I didn't think a few more days or weeks could make much difference, and that we would all save on time, energy and effort by dumping it all in together, regardless of when it had arrived at his house.
There was a significant silence as the two men looked at me without speaking.
They turned and exchanged a knowing glance, and then looked at me once more – together.
One of them said: Tut. And the other said: Kyuh - and I knew I would be looking for a new job before much longer.
The boss went down the driveway to see the coalman off, and I went back to rotating coal that was, to all intents and purposes, older than time itself.
With my eyes stinging I sat down to roll a cigarette, and I found myself wondering – again – what everybody else knew that I didn't.
*
posted by maddog at 11:19 PM
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